Reboot

Yes, this blog has not been updated in ages. A lot has happened since last year, and I intend to write about most of it. Expect another post in a week.

The India Trip: Introduction

Once again I applied to be a delegate at the Space Generation Congress. This year, it, along with the International Astronautical Congress and the SEDS International Conference, were held in India. I was only home for three weeks before I had to get on another plane and have jet lag kick me in the face again. Vacations are for the weak.

My plans for getting to India started last March and were almost eradicated at the last minute. I received an email from the Space Generation email list about a call for abstracts for the IAC. I figured that I had something to say about being the Chief Engineer at the Mars Desert Research Station, and the only way I could foresee getting funded to go to these conferences was to have something to present. I was also feeling slightly cocky because I had just gotten accepted into the ISU in China, so my mood was understandably high when I wrote and submitted the abstract. Not only was it the vaguest abstract I’ve ever seen, my idea for the paper really would have said nothing more than an account of my experiences, totally inappropriate for a conference paper, let alone the biggest astronautical congress in the world. Once this realization occurred my ego was knocked back to peasant status in no time and has stayed there ever since.

Despite that, I am proud to say this is the first free trip I have ever taken, fully funded because several sources. I managed to get funding from UCF’s Student Government Association to attend SGC, SETI to present my MDRS paper, ISU to present the Team Project report, and SEDS-USA to be a representative at the SEDS-IC. I had planned to use a scholarship through my department at UCF to pay for the rest of the trip, but thankfully (oh so thankfully) my ISU Team Project Chair, Jim Burke, donated the rest of my travel expenses. Even with four other sources of funding, he alone paid for more than 60% of this trip, and I cannot thank him enough for the opportunity to go to these three conferences.

However, all was almost lost in the last hour. Because I got back from China so close to the start of the trip, I did not have much time to get my visa for India. I sent my passport and visa application to Washington DC not long after I got home, thinking three weeks would be enough time, especially since their website advertised a 5-day waiting period, and fellow ISU students in DC got their visas in one day. I was wrong. I sent it early in case there was a problem, and sure enough there was; I sent photos on plain paper instead of photo paper, and they called me and demanded better images. This set the process back almost a week. On the Friday before I left (my flight was Tuesday early afternoon), the return envelope was not in the FedEx tracking system.

My official savior? My brother. He not only went down to the Indian consulate on Monday morning to see why they hadn’t finished, he went again in the afternoon to overnight airmail it to my house with AM delivery. I literally had my passport and visa in my hands 15 minutes before I left for the airport. The phrase “by the skin of his teeth” doesn’t quite do the situation justice.

I arrived in Frankfurt, Germany for my connecting flight to Hyderabad on time to meet several Space Gen people that were on the same flight. What does someone like me do in the Frankfurt airport when there’s a two-hour layover? Legally enjoy a fine German beer, that’s what! At least I got to meet a few of my fellow delegates before we arrived.

The first thing I noticed about India after exiting the airport was how crowded it was. I was not surprised, considering I had just been to China. However, the next realization greatly surprised me. Not more than 10 seconds after exiting the airport, I was approached by a child beggar. I expected this, but here’s what’s surprising; the kid had nicer clothes on than I did! This has been true for a lot of the beggar’s I’ve seen, although just because the threads are classier than mine doesn’t mean they’re cleaner. I think it is safe to assume that India is the land of fancy schmancy everyday clothes. Almost all men have collared shirts, generally in some form of plaid (although not lumberjack style), and almost all women have very colorful scarves and dresses.

We arrived at the hotel at 2am. The next day I woke up at 6am. Hello circadian rhythm disruption.

ISU SSP 8: Final Countdown

It seems like the only time I have to write updates is when another team is presenting something on their project. Right now, Team DOCTOR is giving their final presentation. My team, Phoenix, was first to present this morning, and overall it went very well.

We’ve had a stressful week, despite the fact that all we’ve done is prepare for the final presentation. Some have not taken the stress very well and it nearly destroyed the integrity of our final presentation. Luckily, it came together and we gave our presentation with no big hiccups. Great success! It nice!

As for the final paper, I do not know how it will be available aside from the three hard copies I will be given, but it should be available on the ISU website sometime in the future. I will link it here once it becomes available.

My camera broke not too long ago. Luckily, there haven’t been many picture-worthy moments, and when there were someone else took a picture and put it on the shared drive so I could raid it.

The only big, fun event we’ve had recently was the American-Chinese dinner. This was originally intended to happen near the beginning of the program, but due to scheduling problems, the plans didn’t rematerialize until now. The plan was to invite the Chinese to a dinner somewhere to show them that we appreciate their hospitality and to build international relations despite current tensions between our two countries so that one day the big players in the space world will be able to work together a lot more.

The Park Plaza hotel on campus holds an international all-you-can-eat/drink buffet every night. Their menu changes every night, but the key ingredient is variety; this was the second time I had eaten there, and the countries that were represented by the foods were completely different. We had Thai, Indian, Japanese, Chinese, Spanish, African, and Arab food available. The reason I’ve only eaten there twice is because it costs ¥112 to eat there compared to a few ¥3 Ass McMuffin sandwiches (donkey meat with egg on an English muffin, sold on campus). Granted, ¥112 is around US$16, but that’s beside the point.

During the dinner we sat so that the Chinese and Americans were completely mixed. This way, conversation always involved a Chinese person. After dinner, that’s when the drinking began.

This is where I learned a lot about Chinese culture, and I’m glad I skipped Chinese class to attend this dinner. The Chinese toast to just about everything. Once they’re done eating, they start walking around making toasts with small groups, one after another, for different reasons. “To us,” “To space,” “To Phoenix,” “To DOCTOR,” and others were said. They also have a tradition with a toast where is someone says, “Gam bai,” everyone finished their drink. It’s a very smart idea to not fill your glass all the way, ever. Most of the crowd was drinking wine, but me and another American were drinking Beijing Beer, which had a huge alcoholic volume percentage compared to what we’ve been used to drinking the whole time we’ve been here (around 4.3% instead of 3.6%, Chinese beer is practically water).

I talked with Ding Bai, one of my team project teammates. At this point I had a full beer in a 0.4-liter mug. We started toasting to our project, but then I added to everyone at SSP. Then Bai added that he hopes the US and China will work together for the common betterment of both countries, and I added that we need to work together to not only help each other but the entire world. He then added the Moon, I added Mars, and pretty soon we had the biggest toast ever. He had a small amount of wine left in his glass, and of course a toast of that size deserved nothing less than a loud “Gam bai,” that’s exactly what he yelled. When in Rome… so I chugged. The crowd cheered when I finished, and Bai hugged me and told me I was a good man.

I refilled my beer and sat down afterwards. Not long after I sat down, the American who set the whole thing up stood and gave a big toast with everyone involved. Obviously, another “Gam bai” was coming, and I had another full glass. To show my commitment to international diplomacy, I stood and chugged once again. Now, not only was everyone in our group cheering me on, but the entire hotel restaurant was clapping as well. It may have been one of the slowest chugs ever, but that’s not the point; the point is the mutual respect.

Granted, this is probably starting to sound like a standard college party instead of an international dinner. Here’s where it really starts to sound like a college party.

Not long after that “Gam bai,” several beers were brought out. This is where I couldn’t believe my eyes. A beer chugging competition started. One American stood across from one Chinese, and on the count of san (3), the chugged. Americans won 2-1, but that’s not the point; the point is there was a chugging competition in a fancy-schmancy hotel. I was not a part of it, but I certainly marveled at how my vision of the world was shattered as a Chinese scientist with a doctorate degree went head-to-head with a former Navy nuclear engineer. I guess I grew up with the idea that people over the age of 25 stopped partying hard. I was wrong, and the space industry certainly shows it.

Later, a tipsy Bai confessed to the organizer that this was the best night of his entire life, and that every day of his life (36 years) led up to that great night. I don’t even know what to say to that.

Despite what this account suggests, I probably drank less than everyone else there. The 40 of us decimated their entire wine stock and emptied whatever kegs were there.

I’ve become pretty good friends with the Canadian AV guys from the Canadian military academy. They are the only ones in the whole program that are my age, and they’re outdoorsmen like me, only perhaps even more so. I wish I could have joined them on their crazy adventures, but we’ve had some good late nights eating about 60 kebabs among the three of us. One is a pilot, and they are both physics majors. They often talk in English or French depending on whatever they feel like, and use it as a secret communications tactic when bargaining at markets. I only understand two French words when they speak, “dude” and the f-word. I’ll have to keep in touch.

Speaking of keeping in touch, they give us a contact directory of everyone involved in this year’s SSP as well as access to a web directory that contains contact information on every graduate since 1988. This will easily be the best thing I get out of the program, since I’ve met so many important people, not just fellow students but lecturers, instructors, experts, and panel members. Their resources are practically unlimited.

An English radio station in Beijing has a contact with the International Studies program at UCF. She gave them my name and contact information, and they set up a radio interview with me. The interview is Saturday morning, the only small time period I have free until my plane leaves at 3:45pm that same day. I am a scheduling master. If it’s available online or if I can get an audio file, I’ll link it here.

ISU SSP #: Crazy Times

In case you’re wondering why there hasn’t been an update in a while, here’s a brief list of what has been going on over the past five weeks, in absolutely no particular order. I…

• Went to the Great Wall (twice)
• Got three new custom tailored suits for less than US$100 each that look amazing
• Went to the park looking over the Forbidden City.
• Went to the Winter Palace.
• Ate scorpions. So delicious.
• Took a ride that looked like a vertical human slingshot.
• Passed the Exam (50 is passing, I got an 82, high score was 95).
• Took some tours of the China Aerospace Science and Technology Corporation’s (CASC) science facilities, include a microgravity drop tower, some biology labs, and a museum on campus
• Took a large tour of CASC’s version of the Houston Space Center (the super cool control room, the vehicle assembly building, some museums, the taikonaut training center, and a vestibular system deorientation chair)
• Ate a Big Mac. So delicious.
• Gave my Life Sciences presentation, which apparently consisted of little “original research” because apparently I didn’t just list several references on my final slide for comparing the MDRS suits to actual pressure suits. Whatever, I still passed.
• Saw an opera/variety show downtown, before and after which we were stuck in traffic because of Beijing’s celebration of the Olympics being exactly 1 year away.
• At said variety show, saw a guy balance and spin a 10kg pot on his head, saw yet another awesome face changing performance, some magic, some Chinese rap (weird, more like Def Jam poetry than rap, but that’s what I was told it was), and an awesome martial arts demonstration.
• Finished all four of my sections for our final project exactly 17 seconds before the midnight deadline for the first draft. Oh yeah.
• Presented part of our Team Project on stage for our Internal Review.
• Danced, quite a lot, at every culture night every week.
• Laughed at people who thought I was an awesome dancer at said culture nights.
• Laughed even harder at people who copied my moves because they thought I was a good dancer at said culture nights.
• Laughed hysterically when people asked if I could actually teach him them how to break dance.
• Learned some Chinese, and how to write some basic words.
• Stole/received enough pins to provide the proper minimum amount of “flare” to several Shenanigans’ employees.
• Got annoyed by Texas.
• Learned that there was only one case of slight alcoholic intoxication by an astronaut before a flight, and that was on a Soyuz mission, because the Russians throw parties the night before and are virtually immune to the hangover effects of vodka. Since he was not a Russian, he was literally in the same seat that space tourists ride in, and therefore did absolutely nothing during the ride, and wasn’t even that hung over. The reporter that blew that story out of proportion has been unofficially black listed by the medical doctors in the entire space industry.
• Did not fall asleep once during a lecture, department activity, advanced seminar, or team project meeting, ever.
• Ate an “Ass McMuffin” Sandwich for breakfast. So delicious.
• Learned a lot in advanced seminars and workshops about Venus, In-Situ Resource Utilization (ISRU), microgravity experiments with a drop tower, and re-entry vehicle design, and played a weird version of Monopoly/Oregon Trail on the “moon.”
• Was interviewed by a NASA podcast program with a crewmate from MDRS at 6 in the morning.

That’s not entirely comprehensive, but you get the gist.

Since I’ve been here, I’ve learned there are at least two universal languages that anyone in the world can understand. The first is kindness. A smile will be returned with a smile (if not delivered in a creepy way) and a gesture of kindness will be appreciated.

The second language is money. When I go anywhere, the one thing that is completely understood is money. Whether it’s the silk market, laundry services, the bar in the Hello Café, or a taxi, someone can point to a number and I can pay the fee. I have realized that this is the reason why foreigners tend to be nice to Americans, and also why Americans hate illegal immigrants. It’s a shame the world works this way, but when language is a barrier it is inherently obvious that the world favors the wealthy over the poor.

One disease that the world just can’t seem to get rid of is the popped collar phenomenon. The first time I saw a Chinese guy in a pink polo shirt with his collar up, I was so disheartened I wanted to kick a puppy that happened to be for sale a few paces away from the incident (yes, people sell pets on the side of the road and at subway stops. I can’t imagine how many diseases I could get just by picking one up, but I certainly haven’t touched them). I have been forced to collar-down a few of the students at ISU too, especially during culture night. I only allowed it on 80’s night, which because technically collar popping was popular for a few days back then, and since ISU is also intercultural, I just ignored it.

I will say that the queerest thing I’ve seen while I’ve been here has been the method that the Chinese men use to try to cool off. They roll their shirt up their stomachs, almost into the shape of a bra, exposing their stomachs and lower backs to dissipate heat. Apparently no one ever thought of the fact that when you do that you make the clothes tighter and less permeable to air. I’m sorry, this is not a cultural thing; it’s just plain weird.

Nothing has disappointed me more than the lack of crazy/awesome martial arts I’ve witnessed. The only martial arts I’ve seen while I’ve been here was the aforementioned demonstration at the variety show (which was actually quite awesome) and lots of old people slowly swinging wood swords around in the park nearby. If I weren’t walking to class at the time and actually stayed to watch, I would have been bored to tears. There are posters of Jackie Chan and Jet Li everywhere for various commercial products, yet everyone cares more about NBA basketball than the far more awesome martial arts.

TEAM PROJECT: As I mentioned in a previous post, I am on the Lunar Biological and Historical Archive project. About half of our time was dedicated to it during Module II (5^th and 6^th weeks) and all of our time is dedicated to it through Module III (7^th through 9^th weeks). Not only does each of the four groups have to complete a maximum 100 page paper, they also need to have an executive summary and a final presentation on the day before we leave. Our group also has an abstract submitted for the International Astronautical Congress in Hyderabad, India, so if I get chosen to help present it there (a very real possibility), I will be presenting two papers there. Not bad for someone who hasn’t turned 21 yet.

I also think I’ve been doing a lot more than my share of the work, not because I’m the only hard worker on the team but because I’m the only one stupid enough to volunteer to do everything. Most people are working on one section, two if their subgroup has split it differently. I am involved with four sections, the Justification (explaining why there needs to be something on the Moon and not just on Earth), Scenario (explaining what could happen in the event of a disaster, my area was super volcano eruptions), and two sections in the Tech Team (lunar archive design and terrestrial repository design, two of the harder sections).

It has been fun, but the problem is that we have 100 pages between 23 of us, and that figure includes references, bibliography, table of contents, and other crap that usually amounts to 20 pages. 80 pages is not a whole lot of room to go in-depth about the topics we need to cover. In the end, our paper will be a nice overview that probably everyone will be able to understand but it won’t be much more than a large thought exercise.

It’s time for our Internal Review update. Today we gave presentations, and now we get feedback on where we’ve gone. If you haven’t been able to see pictures, I updated the link in the top left of the page that says “All Pictures.”

ISU SSP 5: Panels and Departments

Note: Because we have finished Phase I of the SSP, things will start to get a lot more intense as we move into the departments and team project focus. Because the culture shock, interesting side trips, and assimilations are over, updates from here on out will be much shorter, less frequent, and less detailed. I’ll have one more update, hopefully by the end of the week, on the trip to the Great Wall and the Ming Tomb. Once it’s all over, I get back to Orlando, and I have time to write up more details on things I left out (meaning never), I’ll have another real update.

Seeing as everyone told me to expect to constantly have the runs while I was here, I’d like to point out a very apparent fact: everyone recommended that I bring along some Imodium AD, yet not one person recommended that I bring several cases of Exlax or fiber pills. I don’t want to say that the time between bowel movements is at a record high, but I would like to say thank goodness that the plumbing system hasn’t given me any grief yet. Thankfully, they put a plunger in every bathroom just in case.

I’d like to clear up another misconception as well. To everyone who has told me over the years that I need to go to Asia because I would feel tall there – guess what, you were wrong. Granted, I’m probably slightly taller than average, and I have not met a native woman who is taller than me, yet I am far from towering over anyone. What’s even worse is that one of the ISU volunteers who lives at Beihang University complained to me that he was too short to attract women – and he was exactly my height.

One part of our academic program I have failed to mention so far has been the evening panels that are held once a week. Every week experts in a particular topic come in, and the lecture hall is opened up to the public, free of charge, to listen in on the presentations and following discussion. So far we have had panels on the commercial side of space, an astronaut panel, and one on the Chinese space program (ok, that one was more of a lecture with a long question session because only one person presented).

The commercial space panel was interesting because one of the panelists (who happened to be an astronaut) showed us a video on one of the new commercial space tourism companies. This one, unlike Virgin Galactic, will actually take passengers into orbit. The price is about an order of magnitude greater, but why spend 5 minutes in space (if you can even call it that) on a sub-orbital flight when you can spend far more time actually going around the earth? As much as I pushed for Virgin’s success, including the shaking on a $1,000 bet that Stephen Hawking will go into space before June 30^th, 2010, you should save your money and opt for this trip. Another presenter, Charles Chafer (who I had seen at ISDC but didn’t really pay attention to because he wasn’t nearly as cool as Rick Tumlinson, another panelist that night) talked about his Memorial Space Flight program and the people whose ashes he had launched into space. One flight laid many space enthusiasts to rest on the surface of the moon, including the world-renowned scientist Dr. Eugene Shoemaker. If you want to go to space, and you’re dead, talk to this guy. Or maybe write it in your will.

The astronaut panel was obviously my favorite. Five astronauts, all from different countries (Jeff Hoffman from the USA, Chiaki Mukai from Japan, Robert Thirsk from Canada, Michel Tognini from France, and Yáng Lìwěi from China) came together under one roof to talk about their experiences in space. They all had something to say about the “Overview Effect,” first described by astronaut Frank White, where a person sees the Earth as one tiny, fragile world completely devoid of politics and human impact and realizes just how valuable it is and how we must protect it at all costs.

During the questioning period I asked their opinions of commercial space flight, and how the term “astronaut” has held such a high meaning that only a select few deserved to have the title, and what they thought people who pay money for a ticket into space should be called. Instantly their was a stir among them as they tried to think of a response, but Michel was quick to mention Dennis Tito and the other space tourists that have paid for flights to the ISS and actually performed scientific experiments and carried out missions. He said he was at first apprehensive, as were the other astronauts living with Tito on the ISS, but they have come to realize that afterwards these people have promoted space flight because it has touched them just as much as it has touched the astronauts. He said the ESA uses the term “space flight participant” for those that pay their way.

Now, the reason I asked that question had nothing to do with those who have spent time on the ISS. It had everything to do with the people that will soon be spending 5 minutes maximum above the 100km line unofficially called “space” and whether or not those people would be called “astronauts.” Specifically, I wanted to know if a certain ho-tel heiress who will remain unnamed would hold the title of “astronaut” before I ever had a chance. From the response, I think not, which made me happy. I’m glad Rick Tumlinson hates her even more than I do.

The last panel we had was a talk by the President of the China Aerospace Science and Technology Corporation, Dr. Zhang Qingwei. He talked about China’s space program, past present and future, including plans for a satellite navigation constellation like the US GPS system, more manned flights, and finally a lunar landing program.

I just now found out more people were supposed to speak according to the preliminary schedule from two months ago, but I guess they had to make some changes, so only one person spoke. This was probably for the better however, because even though Dr. Zhang is an ISU SSP graduate, he doesn’t speak English (any more). We were in the same room as the Opening Ceremonies, so we had to use the UN-style radio translation devices. It made it pretty boring, but at least no one fell asleep.

Side note: whenever someone falls asleep in class (or anywhere), someone usually sees it and takes a picture. These pictures are put onto the “Sleeper” folder on the shared drive as a way of shaming the victim into not sleeping during an ISU activity again. I took a rather nice one this morning. Had I been holding the sign, it would have said something far more obscene, more than likely a certain phrase used on a written sign in the movie Clerks. It’s even funnier looking at the repeat sleepers who have been caught several times.

Once the question and answer session started, I had a good one. Dr. Zhang called on me and I said the following. “Hi, I’m Ben Corbin and I’m from Fort Walton Beach Florida in the United States. Is it true that one of China’s main goals for going to the moon is to mine the isotope Helium-3 for nuclear fusion power generation, and if so, will China be willing to share this power generation system with the rest of the world?”

Ok Mom, so maybe you had a bad dream that one night for a reason. Had I asked that question several years ago, I probably would have been arrested for revealing state secrets or threatening national security. Thankfully China has changed. The reason I asked is because I had heard from a UCF professor that this was the main reason for China’s efforts to beef up its space program. However, this little fact was not mentioned in Dr. Zhang’s entire hour-long presentation.

As soon as I asked the question, the ISU students began to stir and whispers went through the crowd. The translator then asked the question in Chinese and the other 60% of the room stirred and moaned as if to say “Uh uuhh, No he di-int!” Well, I guess Chinese people don’t talk like that, but that was the impression that I got.

The answer I got was surprisingly transparent. He took several translated steps to answer the question (as opposed to making the translator remember it all and regurgitate it once he was done, because at this point we were no longer using the radios for real-time communication), but made it clear that his scientists had told him that a vast abundance of material that is perfect for nuclear fusion power is on the moon. This answer shocked the audience because it was delivered so directly and with minimal hesitation to give an answer. However, he failed to answer the second and most important part.

Now, the reason why the US doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to get to the moon and harvest this stuff is because of one major problem: robust designs for fusion power reactors that are energy efficient are at least 50 years away from being developed, and they have been stuck 50 years in the future for the last 50 years. Unless China knows how to make a fusion reactor that does more than blast a few megatons of energy around (aka a hydrogen bomb), Helium-3 will be useless to them. The question now is, do they? Unfortunately, I was only allowed one question. If China does get its hands on a working nuclear fusion design, not only will they put the entire Middle East out of the power generation business, they will become the new Middle East. Countries will pay slightly less for the cleanest, greenest power possible (with the exception of antimatter), making China far richer than it already is. Only time will tell. My guess is they will become the new superpower weather the US stops destroying itself from within or not.

Afterwards, my colleagues commended me for asking such a wonderful question. However, it was only at most the second most controversial question I could have asked, and I can’t decide whether it was an unfortunate mistake or a good coincidence that I forgot the most pressing question that has been on the minds of the space industry since January, and that question is this: why the hell did China blow up a satellite? There is no non-military application for destroying a satellite with a kinetic impactor, and because of the impact the amount of space debris in low-earth orbit has doubled. This topic has been COMPLETELY taboo since we’ve been here, and whenever it is mentioned there is not a Chinese person around. All of us really wished someone had asked what was up with that.

I need to work on transitions. So, in Phase II of the SSP, the primary concentration is on the Department Activities. As I mentioned before, the Departments are designed to develop a student’s skills and knowledge in another area of the space theater besides the one they hold a lot of skill in. I chose the Life Sciences Department. Here’s the list of reasons why:

1) Life Sciences had the BEST introductory workshop. Each department had the chance to influence the students’ decisions by having one workshop. In my opinion, a lot of them were pretty dull. However, in the Life Sciences workshop, we dissected a pig heart. How cool is that.

2) Life Sciences is the compromise between the Business and Management Department and the Space and Society Department. One very useful but very dull, and the other is very interesting but probably won’t advance my career at all. Life Sciences combines the utility and the fun aspects in a way that I look forward to.

3) Life Sciences offers the chance to write a proposal for a Zero-G research flight sponsored by ESA as well as advice for submitting proposals to research flights stateside. I can obviously benefit from it, and so can SEDS. Enough said.

4) The final department project sounds a lot more interesting than the others. We basically give a 10 minutes presentation on something we’ll research or an experiment we will conduct. I think I’ll be doing mine on Mars Analog Exploration. Hello IAC paper that I haven’t written yet and need to decide whether or not I actually will.

Hopefully it will be fun. Here’s another awkward topic transition.

English movies come out a little later in China than they do in the states, meaning I had to wait an extra week to see it. However, the Chinese theater we went to had the movie in English with Chinese subtitles (as opposed to the dubbed version) in a private VIP screening room. The overall cost for the movie was double what I would pay in the states, but the seats we had were definitely worth the extra cost. Each seat was as big as a La-Z-Boy and had electric reclining controls. Free snacks and drinks also came with the deal. If you haven’t seen Transformers yet, I won’t ruin it for you, but I put my journalistic credibility on the line when I say that it absolutely ruled. (In case you’re wondering, I have no journalistic credibility) I tried to write a song called "Transformers Ruled" sung to the tune of "Pearl Harbor" from the Team American soundtrack, but I got writer's block.

Our second lecture this morning was done by the Life Science department chairs with a Blues Brothers theme. They dressed up as Jake and Elwood and played the Shake Your Tail Feather clip from the movie at the halfway point. I’m glad some people in the space industry have a sense of humor, because if they didn’t, it would be a sad place to work.

ISU SSP 4: Operation Ground and Pound

I have been told that in the past, the United States has delivered some of the lamest culture night presentations of the entire ISU. Since the United States is not lame, I knew that the American team had better do something about our bad reputation at the ISU.

We had a series of meetings to discuss ideas for what we could do. There are 20 of us, more than any other country, so I figured there would be some talent in the group. We start asking each what we can do well. I volunteered to dance or play guitar if any of us could get our hands on one. Another volunteered to dance as well, but aside from that the room was empty and talentless. Someone suggested a video, which would be a great idea but would require a lot of work from one main editor and only small inputs from everyone else. “We could do a Power Point presentation about what state we come from and the traditions that come from each area,” someone said. “It would be a lot easier than a video, and it might be boring but that’s really all we have time to pull off.” (This statement was made an entire week before culture night)

Oh, HELL no… I thought silently. He did NOT just say Power Point presentation. Looks like I’m going to have to bite the bullet. “I’ll do the video!” I said. Thankfully, I had some backup to get some video and images. Later, I asked Virgil if I could borrow his “interview foreigners about what they know about your country” idea, and he gladly allowed me to.

Over the next few days, me and another girl took short interviews asking what people thought about America, their favorite music and movies, and what they disliked about the US. After the Astronaut panel on Tuesday, the entire team invaded a computer lab and downloaded a ton of images that I could use. This really helped and gave me some inspiration for many of the little jokes in the movie.

I strung it all together with some music and other video clips. We had talked with the logistics coordinator of the SSP about whether or not we were allowed to use the theme from Team America, entitled “America, F*%k Yeah!” He said not to, but since I know some audio engineers, that was no longer a problem. The song was now “America… Yeah!” and it became our opening theme. To get it done in time, I had to skip a Chinese lesson, but I got someone to take notes for me. I’ve heard it takes about an hour of editing to get one minute of movie, and I’d say that’s about true. I spent a few late nights and minutes between lectures as well as some limited free time to get the video done completely a whole day before the presentation.

At our final planning meeting on Thursday (or was it Wednesday? Not sure) we finalized the schedule. We had 15 minutes, so I proposed that the video be 7 minutes, each of our state/heritage introductions be 3 minutes, and some music and dance be the final 5 minutes. Once again, I volunteered to swing dance and break dance, and we all agreed to do the YMCA as our closer (not because it’s that great of a dance portraying American culture, but because it is easy and everyone could participate). During the dance, the rest of the team would pass out Jell-O shots to everyone.

Side note: In a later conversation, someone asked what the YMCA is, and a guy from Belgium replied, “Yeah, I think it’s some kind of gay youth hostel chain in the US.” Thank you Village People for ruining the reputation of the place I played little league baseball and learned to swim at.

It turned out that despite hours of searching at Wal-Mart, Jell-O could not be found, so we opted to make hunch punch and pass that off as an American drink.

Friday night arrived and the hour before we all cut out the flags of our ancestral heritage, got the hunch punch ready, and rehearsed the dances. By 7:30 we were confidently ready for the show. We were up first, and the show started around 8:00.

If you haven’t seen the video yet, you can watch it here. (I swear, it's the last time I link it!) The audience absolutely loved it. It basically set the bar for culture nights from here on out, and we were only halfway done with the show. Once the video was over, all of us got on stage and pointed out on the map where we were from, then showed flags of the countries our ancestors came from. When it was my turn, I said “Hi, my name is Ben, I’m from the state of Florida, but my ancestors come from Germany, England, and Scotland… maybe. I’m really not entirely sure. It could be something completely different.”

Once the intros were done, it went according to plan with no screw-ups – a little taste of swing dancing, a little taste of break dancing, and the first verse and chorus of the YMCA. I asked the MC to preface the break dancing by saying “Ben would like to inform you all that he is actually a terrible break dancer, so please to not judge all break dancing on his performance.” If Damage Plan or any b-boy crew I know had magically shown up, it would have blown them away, because they were quite impressed with what I threw down.

Several faculty came up to members of Team America and said that was the best US culture night presentation ever, and possibly one of the best of SSP history. One in particular said she’d never seen anything like it and was so proud the US didn’t screw up and do something corny. I felt bad for the groups that had to follow us.

After all the presentations, the floor opened up for dancing. The three other countries also passed out alcohol (German beer, Swedish schnapps, and Belgian beer, I believe), so once again everyone was loose and ready to have fun. This week’s party was even crazier than last time, and far more entertaining because Dr. Nikoli Tolyarenko and Dr. Jeff Hoffman got out onto the dance floor. If you’ve never seen a Russian rocket scientist salsa dance with young Hispanic women, then you have not seen everything this world has to offer. Both men were incredibly white, but as I mentioned last time, the stereotype does not apply outside the USA. All I could do was laugh and have a wonderful time with them. I met some Chinese girls who spoke English, and they’ve decided that they’re coming to every other culture night party because it’s so much fun. I'm surprised the government didn't object to us singing and dancing to Twisted Sister's "We're Not Gonna Take It."

The next morning, it was surprisingly easy to wake up for our free tour sponsored by the China Aerospace Science and Technology Corporation (CASC) of Tiananmen Square, the Forbidden City, and the Temple of Heaven.

Side note: Pretty much everything is sponsored by CASC. The current president is an ISU SSP alumnus from 1991, and the saying “it’s not what you know, it’s who you know” is a LOT more truthful in China than in any other country. They shell out a lot as our sponsors, but pictures from the Opening Ceremonies should have given that away already.

Unfortunately, it was a guided tour led by a guy with too many bad jokes. The bus ride was rather annoying, but we got there soon enough that I didn’t have to commit a felony.

The second we stepped off the bus we were assaulted by street vendors. Half of them were selling Beijing 2008 merchandise (possibly stolen or illegal) and speaking terrible Engrish. We walked underground until we reached the southeast corner of Tiananmen Square.

Personally, I was not that impressed with the square. I had read that it was the largest open city square in the entire world, and that may be true, but because of Mao Zedong’s tomb and the warrior’s memorial tower, it was anything but completely open. We pretty much just walked along the side without going into any museums or stopping near the tower.

We then crossed the street to reach the gates of the Forbidden City. Chairman Mao’s 6-meter tall portrait hangs above the entrance on the red walls, just to remind you what country you’re in just in case you forgot. Our tour guide reminded us that this complex was meant only for the Emperor and very important guests, and that anyone who tried to enter without permission was executed. Thanks for reminding me that I’m raping centuries of tradition by setting foot in the place. I was reminded of this once again when we crossed the Emperor’s bridge, so I specifically took a picture of my feet to remind me that I was walking on something that at one point was so sacred it warranted death for anyone but the emperor himself to walk on it.

Since I had been to the Lama Temple the week before, I was not particularly impressed with the Forbidden City at first. Once you’ve seen one Buddhist-style structure, you’ve seen them all, so I was starting to be disappointed. However, Frommer’s guide was right; there is absolutely no way to over-hype how incredible the Forbidden City is. The place just kept going, on and on. There’s no way one person can see the whole place in one day, and we only had the morning to check the place out.

One of the most impressive areas was the emperor’s house. The place is guarded by two huge lion statues, and in front of the door there is a large, circular jade stone placed in a metal holder with dragons carved all over it. Check the pictures page for it, the thing is an impressive work of art (more so for the dragons than the jade, but if you like jade you’ll love the decoration).

The term “ballin” does not even begin to describe how awesome it would be to be the emperor. Someone told me that one emperor had so many concubines that if he saw only one every night, it would take 6 YEARS to have a repeat. After the emperor dies, all his concubines have to become nuns, I guess because once you’ve had the best, the rest just don’t cut it.

Far past the emperor’s place is a beautiful garden with some amazing rock formations and some gnarly looking trees. The exit gate was right beyond that garden. If I get a chance, I will definitely head back to spend more time and move faster through the area without a tour group to slow me down.

We caught our buses on the other side (thank GOD we didn’t have to walk all the way back through the city and Tienneman) and went to lunch at a place near the southeast corner of the city. Afterwards, we went to the Pearl Factory, where I proceeded to be bored senseless after five minutes of looking at small animals constructed entirely out of pearls and thinking about what girls I know would freak if they were in this place. However, because I have a Y-chromosome, the only thing interesting were the fish. I wish these places didn’t give the tour guides kickbacks for bringing groups into their stores.

The Temple of Heaven was the next stop. This place was very impressive, but if I hadn’t seen the Lama Temple first it would have been better. The only notable part of the experience, besides what can be seen in the pictures, is the story about the side entrance to the temple. Every year at harvest, the emperor walked from the Forbidden City to the Temple of Heaven to give a sermon and bless the harvest. One emperor got too old to make the walk, so he installed a back door that was closer to his house, but he made a restriction that you had to be 70 years old before you could pass through it, that way his sons wouldn’t get lazy and use it every year.

On the way out, we were once again assaulted by people selling Rolex and Mao watches, Beijing 2008 merchandise, fans, Temple of Heaven books, and more crap. However, this time the army/police/whoever those guys with the red bands around their arms are intervened. One merchant started talking to me in broken English, then bolted towards the exit along with 5 other sellers as three guards came sprinting at them. Once was chased into the trees and tackled, the rest were just chased out of the gates, only to assault us yet again on the outside of the gate.

At dinner that night I learned that Mao Zedong’s civil war and Cultural Revolution were responsible for the deaths of around 60 million people. That little fact has changed my mind about where China is headed in the future.

On Monday evening I gave an optional lecture on the Mars Desert Research Station. It was mostly a rehash of the presentation I gave to the Niceville and Fort Walton Rotary Clubs, except with exclusive focus on MDRS and a little more detail on the engineering aspects, including my recommendations for improving the fidelity of the activities of the station. I actually had quite a nice crowd at the lecture, and there have been enough people apologizing for missing it, so I may do it again if there’s enough interest. I sure wouldn’t mind speaking again. I had to compete in the same time slot with the director of SSP, so that may have decreased my numbers, but it was still a bigger crowd than I expected.

Next Update: I put Stephen Colbert-sized balls on the table and ask the China Aerospace Science and Technology Corporation's President Zhang Qingwei about plans to harvest Helium-3 on the moon for nuclear fusion power generation. Will he give me a straight answer? Here’s a hint: NO

ISU SSP 3: Diversifying My Bonds

Note: I have created a new photo album that can be found here. However, for some reason I cannot view the pictures, therefore I can’t directly link them. I don’t know how they are organized in the album, so I can’t tell you where to scroll if you want to find one on the specific topic. I will link to a few other things related to what I’m writing about. I’ll save the details on American culture night for the next update, but you can view the video I made for the occasion here. Also, if a link doesn't work, please let me know.

Fate has a lack of respect. Within five minutes of my last post, I felt the Rumble in the Jungle as Intellectual’s Revenge forced me to use a non-western toilet before I could race back to my room to the Fortress of Solitude to drop a deuce in peace. Luckily, someone brought along what is probably the 5^th greatest invention of all time: a folding chair with a big hole in the middle to put right over the hole. Excellent.

I would like to take this time to dispel a common racial stereotype right here and now. Black people, you have been stereotyped in the past for eating watermelon. However, you have NOTHING on the Chinese people. At every single meal, we have been served watermelon. At every street food vendor, you will see watermelon. At every cafeteria, you will see at least one girl eating half a watermelon and ONLY that watermelon for lunch. If I don’t like breakfast, I’ll end up eating about 7 slices of watermelon simply because it’s served in mass quantities. The Chinese word for “fruit” has the Chinese word for “water” in it. Chinese people, you win.

Every week, students from four different countries have to present on something about where they came from. Last week (June 30^th), the Chinese, Romanian, and French students went. The Chinese went first and had a half hour because they are the host site for the SSP, and every other country gets 15 minutes. I expected to see something like the opening ceremonies, something completely wild and over the top, but it was just the students presenting, not CASC sponsoring an opera and a “man of a million faces” routine. They passed out some Beijing 2008 Olympics merchandise; gave away some other stuff; talked about history, culture, architecture, and kung fu; and demonstrated tai chi. I was not extremely impressed, but since I came in expecting something like that opening ceremony, it’s my own fault I was let down. They did an excellent job.

Since Virgil is the only Romanian student, he had to present on Romania by himself. Rather than do a Power Point presentation or dance or something foolish, he made a video where he went around asking people what they know about Romania. It was then followed up by an actual Romanian tourist bureau infomercial about Romania. His video was pretty funny, but because of some sound issues, no one heard what was going on, so he had to narrate. He put the video on the shared drive so everyone could here a Chinese girl profess her love for him.

After the presentations, everyone was pretty much liquored up enough to start dancing, so the tables were moved and the whole crowd danced until the bar closed at 10:30. A lot of people left to go out immediately before then, but I left too late to catch up, so I went to bed afterwards.

This is where I learned something very important that contradicted what I knew about the world of dance. As a white male whose one season in marching band screwed up much of my ability to dance without rigid step patterns, I know that I look terrible on the dance floor without a fine looking partner and some dance lessons. However, I learned that night that it is common for the rest of the world (or at least Asia) to think Americans can dance well. No matter what terrible moves I stole from movies or conflicting dance styles, others copied me, and people cheered for me no matter what.

American Stereotype: White guys can’t dance
Asian Stereotype: Americans can dance

Ahh, the things you learn from international travel.

The next day a large group of us went to the Lama Temple. Before we left, I had another chat with Gary Martin (see last post).

Gary: So yeah, I talked to my boss about you, and he said you we alright
Ben: Really?
Gary: Yeah, he looked at your application and said you had been accepted, so you’re fine, no worries.
Ben: Oh, so I am supposed to be here? There was no mistake?
Gary: Yeah, you’re good.

So it’s official, I AM supposed to be here. As the Red Stripe commercials say, “HooRAY Beer!”

We took the subway to the temple, and as we walked around the outer gate, I couldn’t help but notice the dozens of tiny little shops selling nothing but LOADS of incense. I couldn’t understand how they could all stay in business just selling stuff that only pot smokers use in the states. I soon found out how.

The Lama Temple was impressive, but I was disappointed there were no animals that looked like camels without humps. Instead, there were tons of bronze statues, awesome roofs, and a Guinness World Record-holding statue of Buddha carved out of a tree trunk.

The coolest thing I saw all day was one of the three deities. I’m not sure, but I think his name is Yamantaka. He’s a guy with what looks like the head of a dragon or bull, a second and third smaller head on top of his main head, and somewhere on the order of 100 arms. I don’t know how he put all his arms down, but then again if I had that many I’d wave them around and look scary too. Every statue of him showed him choking (or worse) some woman and looking scornful. I tried to find a statue of him to buy, but the only ones they had were expensive bronze. If can I find one cheaper, I will definitely pick it up.

Throughout the courtyards and in every single indoor area, there were altars and knee rests where the devout Buddhists would bow, pray, and either place or burn incense. Outside, there were large fire pits that some just dumped whole packs of incense into. Inside, fires are not allowed, but people laid the incense sticks in front of the statues or tables, I guess as a sacrifice. The incense didn’t even smell that great. I walked through a thick cloud of smoke and all I smelled was smoke and wood burning. Every single person brought piles of incense in and dumped it all on fires or laid it in front of alters.

The temple was absolutely beautiful, and after looking at each statue or piece of metalwork, I started wondering “how much time did the artist spend on this one particular work?” “If the artist didn’t build these statues/make these roofs/do whatever that person did, what else would they have done?” “How much money went into making all of this?” “If these people had concentrated their resources on building a space program, when would they have launched their first rocket? Probably around 1782.”

Ahh, the wandering thoughts of an engineer.

Afterwards I went to the gift shop and bought a blue silk outfit. The original price was Y480, and I bargained it down to Y200. I still may have gotten ripped off, but oh well. It has two golden dragons going down the sides of the abdomen area and traditional Chinese buttons. I think it looks awesome, and I’m going to wear here one day when I know there’s not a lot of physical activity to do.

Once we left the Lama Temple, we went across the block to a Confucian temple. Along the way we were assaulted by beggars, people peddling Olympic merchandise and Mao watches, and calligraphists. The place was cheap to get into (Y3 instead of Y10 because I had my student ID), but because of the Beijing Olympics, most of the place was under renovation. Check out the pictures to see more. The most interesting things were the large statue of Confucius and a weird turtle/dragon thing inside a pavilion.

Another weird cultural difference I saw was the openness of construction sites. Along the sidewalk, workers were renovating or rebuilding a lot of the little shops along the main street, and anyone could easily walk up right into the site and start building if they wanted to. Workers mixed concrete right on the street with a hose and a shovel, which was far different from the method we employed while building the Flamespeed wall at work the three weeks before I came here.

I don’t know how to put this nicely, but here it is; some of the beggars on the streets looked terribly deformed. I’ve seen a few people with burned faces, no arms, no feet, and mouths that couldn’t close all the way. Small children were riding wheeled carts because their feet were mangled and that’s how they could get around. I have not idea what could have caused this on such a scale, but if anyone knows anything about this, please let me know. A lot of recent Chinese history is unknown to me, and because of the fear of government I can’t always get straight answers from the natives. I read up on some of the major events that have transgressed in the past 58 years, but nothing in great detail.

Not to get sidetracked… after we left the Confucian temple, Stacey, one of the TAs who lived in Beijing for a few years a while back and speaks Chinese, took us to a tea place and we had a tea ceremony. I’m not a huge tea drinker (read: I hate tea, and unless it has a pound of sugar in it, it takes like leafy water), so I wasn’t too excited about it. We all sat around a table as one of the waiters went through the ceremony of cleaning the glasses, mixing the tea, pouring the tea for us, showing us how to properly get the tea into a different glass than the one she poured it in, then showed us how we’re supposed to smell the empty glass and put it on our eyes to make our eyes feel better. Yeah, it was a little weird.

It was much more fun to just sit down and talk with the other students about where they come from. However, after many glasses of tea (the glasses were about 2 ounces), I perfected the one-handed technique of getting the tea from the tall, thin glass into the short, stout glass. It’s hard to imagine without pictures, but the technique starts with your dominant hand being held so it looked like the bottom hand of someone doing a kamehameha wave. You pick up the two glasses (the short one on top of the tall one), bring them up quickly and rotate it into an Eagle’s Claw (or at least that’s what I think it looks like, only with the thumb and ring finger on the bottom). Once you’ve flipped them, your hand is able to set them down. Men are supposed to hold the tea glass exactly like the Drunken Boxing hand position. Yes, I watch too much kung fu.

As for the actual purpose of me being in China in the first place… The ISU curriculum is split into three major phases, all lasting about 3 weeks. There are also program sections, the Core Lectures, the Department Activities, and the Team Project. Phase I is all the Core Lectures in the morning with either introductory Department Activities or early Team Project meetings in the afternoon. Phase II comes after the exam (held at the beginning of the 5^th week) and consists mostly of Department Activities with some Team Project meetings. Phase III is entirely devoted to the Team Project.

The Core Lectures show the ISU’s spirited approach to a truly interdisciplinary education. They bring in experts from around the world to give us lectures on engineering, satellite applications, orbital mechanics, space medicine, life science, zero gravity, space policy and law, space business management, astronaut selection criteria, solar system astronomy, and other areas crucial to the space industry. Dr. Jeff Hoffman (mentioned in the last post) is one of the lecturers, and another I’d like to mention is Dr. Nikoli Tolyarenko. He’s the director of the Master’s Program for the ISU, but has worked for the Russian space agency since it the 1960’s. He met Yuri Gagarin and was one of the designers of the Russian space shuttle that never flew. This man knows everything there is to know about propulsion systems and flight engineering. He has a thick Russian accent, but can be very funny at times. It’s hard to describe his sense of humor, but it does break the monotony of his voice and keeps people awake.

There are 7 departments at ISU: Space Business and Management, Space Life Sciences, Space Policy and Law, Space Physical Sciences, Satellite Applications, Space Systems Engineering, and Space and Society. These departments are meant to further knowledge in a field the students are unfamiliar with, i.e. an engineer would not choose the Satellite Applications or Space Systems Engineering departments. Since I also have some background in physics, I wouldn’t choose the Physical Sciences department either.

Almost every afternoon (with some team project meetings thrown in on some afternoons) we have had an introduction to one of the departments. Some of them have been pretty boring, while others have been rather interesting. I’ll have more info in the next update on these workshops since I haven’t had them all yet.

Finally, the Team Projects are meant to be big international collaborations on specific space topics that can produce publishable and presentable results (for instance, each team could send sub groups to conferences around the world to present on their topics). Each team needs to write an Executive Summary and a maximum 100-page report. There are four TPs: the Lunar Biological and Historical Archive, the Use of Space Technologies to Monitor and Respond to Earthquakes, On-Orbit Servicing – Future Capabilities for Space Missions, and Space Traffic Management. Since I really had no preference, I left my choice form blank and got assigned to the Lunar Archive project, one that I somewhat wanted to do because of its impact on the long-term survival of humanity in the event of a swift global cataclysm, but somewhat didn’t want to do because of the argument that you could easily have something like it on Earth. We’ll see how that goes in the future.

Next Update: Panels, US Culture Night, Tienneman Square, and my MDRS lecture.